How come I feel like I've lost another child?

I finaly got the phone number for the unit mike is on, I called, spoke to him, but he is really mad at me for putting him back in the hospital-- This time I had no choice; he quit eating and drinking and we had 120 degree weather, i was NOT about to let him die for God sake! I wish he could understand why I did what I did. Everytime I see hid behavior change for the worse, I want so badly to wave a magic wand and change everything just to have my Mikey back! It is what it is, can't change anything our Damn, I'd make so many other changes. I feel sometimes like he has died, because his spark, great sense of humor, lovingness and the gleem in his eyes are gone.

He's back in a facility and I miss him so much!

It was a crazy summer (pardon the pun) Mike had reverted back to his unbalanced self; he quit eating and then, i the middle of 120 degree heat, he quit drinking too! I was scared by his listless body lying about, so, I did the only thing I could do..call 911. The ambulance took him to the emergency room, and hydrated him, then after a bed was ready at the only facility, they took him there. He won't talk to me and it's been months! He's on conservatorship, and in Metro, in Norwalk; he'll be there for about 3 months and then they said he will be transported to another facility in S.B. I hate this! Why can't there be a magic wand or spell to make everything better?

Every day I'm just wowed!

Mike trimmed his beard, he has been doing so many chores, inside and out of the house he helps Barry with more than he ever did as a teen! I so missed his infectious laughter, his joy from music, his vitality-- it's back! He has that gleem in his eyes, a genuine smile, and most of all he has pride in all he is doing...Please Dear God, let it continue! I love having my son back.

Misdiagnosis?

The reason I have not updated this blog is due to my husband's surgery and long hospital stay; we have been gone for over a month. I have had an epiphany; my son may not be paranoid schizophrenic! How did I come to this conclusion? For this time period Mike has been off his meds and yet... he has been more capable and has lost most of his fears. He watches Television, listens to his music, went back into the bedroom to get his belongings (he would not go in there before) Mike has been very helpful, cleaning the house, washing laundry, mopping the floors, and taking care of the animals too! He still has his "issues" but they are minor in comparrison--really minor! So tell me, what do you think it is? I think it's PTSD! PTSD is commonly diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia!

What in the world can I do?

So Mike has been home now for 4 months-- still not showering, or changing his clothes. His jumpsuit is actually coming apart at the seems and yet...she will not change his clothes! It's driving me CRAZY! The smell is so bad, that even fabreeze does not help. We found out my husband has a tumor, yes, it is cancer-- so now, once my hubby goes in for surgery and chemo I don't know what to do! Besides the hygene aspect, he also will not go into the refrigerator for food or drink, he will not do anything for himself!

Shower please?

I sit next to him and the odor is less than appealing, his feet are black with filth, his hands--oh dear lord his hands-- his hair is so stiff from dirt, I itch just being in the same zip code and I don't know what to do! How do I get him to look after his basic needs? how do I let him know it's safe to wash, get food and drink from the fridge, change his clothes? It's been over three months and and I'm at a loss--
Any suggestions?

I wonder what it's like in his head?

Ca you imagine being scared--scared of everything? Words, water, voices, radios, television, food, drink--they all are something Mike is scared of~ He is even afraid of his video games!What can I do to assure him that the everyday things, the stuff we do without even thinking about them are ok? I don't know...I hate watching him go on like this; this is not living!