How come I feel like I've lost another child?

I finaly got the phone number for the unit mike is on, I called, spoke to him, but he is really mad at me for putting him back in the hospital-- This time I had no choice; he quit eating and drinking and we had 120 degree weather, i was NOT about to let him die for God sake! I wish he could understand why I did what I did. Everytime I see hid behavior change for the worse, I want so badly to wave a magic wand and change everything just to have my Mikey back! It is what it is, can't change anything our Damn, I'd make so many other changes. I feel sometimes like he has died, because his spark, great sense of humor, lovingness and the gleem in his eyes are gone.