Mike now and before...there is hope!

The picture on the top, is Mike today...the bottom, two years ago! I wanted to share the pictures to let you see how wonderfully he is doing these days! I never thought I would ever see him smile again, or his him laugh, or have a rational conversation with him again. This is why we need more programs to help our mentally ill in America--

It's been a long while but...

It's been a long while writing in this blog, but I guess, when life is going good, we tend to forget our readers and those who are looking for answers. Mike is doing well-- in fact, better than well. He has been moved to another facility, one that gives him more room to grow. I visit just about every week, even though it's farther away; about another half hour. His sister went with me last week and finally was able to see for herself how wonderful he is. It is our Mike--he laughs, jokes, hugs, showers, and yes, he even shaves when he's in the mood. He is excited, because he gets to meet his nephews for the first time. The other facility would not allow children and the boys are just a little over a year old now. Mike is so concerned about them being scared, he's shaving his beard, and trimming his mustache. I will be happier, when he recognizes that the medication is working. For right now, he does not think so, but I can tell you, they are! It's wonderful to look into his eyes and see my baby again, to know that his wonderful warm light shines through. I really thought, I would never see my baby again. There is hope, what we need now is the Mental Health System to be re-vamped so that others can get this help that is desperatly needed. Too many lives are lost, not just because of lack of gun control, but rather the lack of available services out there. This was a seven year process! The Drugs are hit and miss, and a mere 72 hour hold is NEVER enough time to either find the right medications or give the person time to level up. I was talking to a couple who has been dealing with the same situation for fifty years! Some families simply give up, they burn out, and finaly circum to watching their child go to the streets, never knowing if they are alive and well, or have died. I know it's not any easy burden, I too have been frustrated beyond belief; no matter what, he is my baby! Giving up is never an option. They need our love, support, and reasurence-- they need that connection to the real world, even if it looks as if they have no idea what the real world is! When Mike was in the other facility, I would add some of his fellow residents to the visits, sometimes there would be upword of seven, not counting Mike on the visit. These wonderful warm loving people craved attention, love, and outside influence. Sometimes, I was all they had. It saddens me to see them all waiting, wanting, and lonely. I would provide treats, sodas, little trinkets like books, or magazines and cigarettes-- the mentally ill SMOKE-- that's all they have to look forward to is smoke breaks. I am so grateful my son, Mike is doing better, and worried for his future too. I pray someday we can transisiton him into his own appartment, under the watchful eyes of a professional-- that's my dream. But for now, this will do, he is safe, he feels safe, and all we have in life is hope.

So sorry for not keeping you all posted-- it's been a bit of a journey. Michael is finally at another facility, much closer than L.A.He is doing fantasticly!!! He's showering, eating, changing clothes, and he's even put on some weight too! It was great visiting with him this Saturday. We added some of his friends to the visit; I brought Chineese food and they all enjoyed it. I left, him with a hug, and walked out. I cried a little when I was driving home. One of his friends has lost him parents and has no visitors anymore...my lunch made him happy. But then I thought, what will happen to mike when I die? Who will care about him? It scares and saddens me.

How come I feel like I've lost another child?

I finaly got the phone number for the unit mike is on, I called, spoke to him, but he is really mad at me for putting him back in the hospital-- This time I had no choice; he quit eating and drinking and we had 120 degree weather, i was NOT about to let him die for God sake! I wish he could understand why I did what I did. Everytime I see hid behavior change for the worse, I want so badly to wave a magic wand and change everything just to have my Mikey back! It is what it is, can't change anything our Damn, I'd make so many other changes. I feel sometimes like he has died, because his spark, great sense of humor, lovingness and the gleem in his eyes are gone.

He's back in a facility and I miss him so much!

It was a crazy summer (pardon the pun) Mike had reverted back to his unbalanced self; he quit eating and then, i the middle of 120 degree heat, he quit drinking too! I was scared by his listless body lying about, so, I did the only thing I could do..call 911. The ambulance took him to the emergency room, and hydrated him, then after a bed was ready at the only facility, they took him there. He won't talk to me and it's been months! He's on conservatorship, and in Metro, in Norwalk; he'll be there for about 3 months and then they said he will be transported to another facility in S.B. I hate this! Why can't there be a magic wand or spell to make everything better?

Every day I'm just wowed!

Mike trimmed his beard, he has been doing so many chores, inside and out of the house he helps Barry with more than he ever did as a teen! I so missed his infectious laughter, his joy from music, his vitality-- it's back! He has that gleem in his eyes, a genuine smile, and most of all he has pride in all he is doing...Please Dear God, let it continue! I love having my son back.

Misdiagnosis?

The reason I have not updated this blog is due to my husband's surgery and long hospital stay; we have been gone for over a month. I have had an epiphany; my son may not be paranoid schizophrenic! How did I come to this conclusion? For this time period Mike has been off his meds and yet... he has been more capable and has lost most of his fears. He watches Television, listens to his music, went back into the bedroom to get his belongings (he would not go in there before) Mike has been very helpful, cleaning the house, washing laundry, mopping the floors, and taking care of the animals too! He still has his "issues" but they are minor in comparrison--really minor! So tell me, what do you think it is? I think it's PTSD! PTSD is commonly diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia!